margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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