Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Randomize
