Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
