fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
