I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
