Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
