i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
pray to the hookup gods
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
