Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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