my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
