he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
