just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Randomize
