I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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