He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
