So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
