How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
