Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Fuck appropriateness.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
