I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
well you can't waste a boner
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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