i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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