Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
