PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
