I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
