So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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