i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
