you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
