i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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