when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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