There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
