as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
