How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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