This dress was meant to end up on your floor
home. puking in laundry basket.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
