Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
