So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
