Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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