How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
