if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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