I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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