dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
