so explain again why im purple
no
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
