God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
