You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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