note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
