Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
