with your own penis?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
