Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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