I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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