from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
