talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
