I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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