the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
