Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
