i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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