hotel room ftw
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
